Kaiju Big Battel: A Practical Guide to City Crushing Monsters
Preview by Jager
We face many dangers in the world today. Tax season, a stray bullet from feuding gangs, drinking expired milk, the list goes on and on. But none are as dangerous as the giant, city crushing monsters known as Kaiju Big Battel. All that is Kaiju is about to explode and to better prepare the populace the fine folks at the Kaiju Regulatory Commission (headed by the always hidden Commissioner) have put together a guide book to help you prepare for the onslaught. It officially hits February 12th, but we got a sneak peek here at the MPb offices.
This guide book is a necessity. Even to those who don't believe Kaiju exists. Whether you believe in him or not, it could be very bloody likely that Sky Deviler will eat your house. What? You don't know what to do if that happens? Don't worry. It's covered in the book. Yes, all questions will be answered one way or another. And the questions that aren't answered? Well, there's got to be room for a follow up.
This Practical Guide will contain:
A welcome from the Commissioner himself.
An explanation for the uninitiated as to what Kaiju Big Battel is.
A much needed and expanded Origin section of all your favorite (and least favorite) monsters, bugs, aliens, mutated beasts, and mad scientists.
A look at some famous Battels. We can only hope that the famous Battel which caused Pangea to split is covered.
A super glossy color photo album.
A guide to the various weapons that are seen in the Danger Cage.
Explanations as to how Kaiju things work. Like how does Dr. Cube make all those minions?
An in depth look at the Danger Zone. My advice, watch out for Gomi-Man's slime. Stinky!!
Manual for handling various mishaps that are caused by Kaiju Big Battels. See above reference to your house being eaten.
Some ways you, yes YOU, can help with the Kaiju Propaganda War.
And a closing by the Commish.
Now, don't you see the importance that this guide has to your existence? This book could literally save your life. For example, by reading the bio section, I know that Hell Monkey is quite a lush. And from the How Things Work section I found that there is a hole in all of Cube's Minions' heads where he accesses their gray matter. Now by putting these two tid-bits together, I have a plan. If ever I am attacked by Cube's Posse, I'll pull the duck tape off the closest minion's fore head, pour a full bottle of Old Crow into his cranium, and watch Hell Monkey drink his own troops to death. Much like the minions are those little Buddha shaped drinks you can get in the tropics.
Kaiju Big Battel: A Practical Guide to Giant City-Crushing Monsters hits stores in February but is available for preorder at the Kaiju Mall. If you preorder now, you'll get free limited edition pins! Just what your jean jacket needs. Be sure to check back here for a full review soon. And always remember Danger Can Happen, but with this book we will be prepared!!
For all your Kaiju needs, visit the official web site Kaiju.com, including video, bios, a message board and cool gear you can outfit yourself with.
Also check out our full Kaiju coverage including interviews with Dr. Cube, coverage of the Philly Factory Fighto and more.
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