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How to Bait and Abuse Pedophiles

Pedo-baiting genius Thor Jensen guides us in the art of baiting and abusing online perverts. All you do is log onto an instant messenger network and change your profile to tell the world you're a teenage girl. Within moments, droves of dirty old men will try and pick you up. It is then your patriotic duty to so humiliate and confuse the perv, that they never step foot online again. Thor has perfected this art and shares some of his secrets here. Check out his handy work at Amber Forever. (Site text may not be safe for work)

Click here to visit Amber's siteSo you want to pretend to be a teenage girl and humiliate pedophiles on the Internet, eh? Well, I can't blame you—it's one of America's fastest-growing career paths and can be done from the comfort of your own home. If you've got your fake profile all set up and ready to go, here's seven tips that will make your baiting easier.

1) Start slow. The biggest mistake most chat pranksters make is not letting the story play itself out—one minute they're a normal teenage girl and the next there's eighteen hand grenades up their victim's ass and they're signing out. You need to ramp up the offensive slowly, dropping hints and jabs but saving that knockout punch for the end. It's no fun to blow your whole wad right in the beginning; make them work for it.

2) Re-set the hooks. If you can feel your prey slipping away, don't be afraid to slide back into normalcy for a few lines to make them feel more at ease. Most pedophiles will put up with a whole lot of bullshit for the tinest flash of sexual interest, so don't be afraid to use that. It's a delicate balance—you want to abuse and confuse them enough to keep it funny but you also don't want them to cut bait and flee.

3) Let them lead. Try to get your victims talking about their interests ­ the more they reveal about themselves, the more information you have to craft your comedy around. People will be more interested in having a conversation if it involves a topic they know something about, and that's the key to what you're doing: conversation. There's nothing more boring than a one-sided chat log with some idiot being “funny” to a deaf ear on the other end. The pedophile is your unwitting partner—make the most of them.

4) Know when to quit. There's going to come a point where you can't take the joke any further. Some people don't consider a chatlog finished until the other party signs off or puts you on Ignore. I am not one of those people. When the joke isn't funny to you anymore, feel free to call it a day. It'll save your time and the time of the people reading your work.

5) Have excuses. People are going to want to see more pictures of you. They're going to ask if you have a webcam, or a microphone for voice chat, or your phone number. Obviously, you can't indulge them in any of these situations. But you do need to have excuses for why you can't that will get them back into where you want them, in the conversation. Having a good grasp of the "character" that you're playing will help in this—keep in character and you'll keep it believable.

6) Avoid clichés. I can't tell you how many chatlogs I've read where all of a sudden the girl is doing the guy up the butt. Hell, I'm guilty of this one myself. But eventually, like any joke, that gets old. Strive for originality in your work—concepts, ideas, and lines that have never been used before. That's the only way you're going to stand out from the rest of the pack.

7) If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. I edit my chatlogs with an iron fist. Maybe one out of every twenty people Amber chats with make it up on the site. If somebody just isn't biting, don't be afraid to let them go—slap them on Ignore and move on. There will always be new victims ­ thousands of horny idiots sign up for Instant Messenger every day. If an idea isn't working, feel free to file it and repeat it later—nobody's going to know about it. Don't waste perfectly good material on a less-than-perfect subject.

Good luck, and happy abusing!

Check out our favorite log Recurrent Short Term Full Aphasic Memory Disorder

Amber Forever and associated writing are copyright Thor Jensen. This article is ©2003 Millionaire Playboy and may not be copied without permission.

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